(21/06/05)
OK, so I'm going to hell for this, but I'm gonna take Stef and Karin with me!!! ;-)
Ohhhh, poor single Crazy John. The hunt is on, for Crazy to find himself a women, but not just ANY woman, a catwalk looking, intelligent, original, social, active women who loves travelling, veging out and listening to music ranging from classical to heavy. Anyway, don't take MY word for it, here's his personal (poor guy, poring his heart out for the world to see, but fu<k him, who the HELL puts their IQ in a personal?!!!!). I've bolded a couple of good bits for you:
Hey
there...
Now; the one thing I'd like to try and avoid, is coming across as being
generic and cliché. I will endeavour to really 'describe' myself as
opposed to being stereo-typed in with the remainder of the guys on this
site.
Firstly, I would like to mention that I'm 28 and living in East Putney.
I'm originally from New Zealand and have been living in the UK for 4½
years, with an intention to live here for at least a couple more; but
have no immediate plans to return - although I think it'll be
inevitable.
Things that may differentiate me from the crowd are; that I enjoy
leading an active lifestyle that sees me involved with seasonal sport: a
passion for Snowboarding in the winter and more recently you'll find me
playing Touch Rugby every Tuesday night in Fulham, with a team that I've
organised. I also enjoy going for regular runs by the Thames in the
evenings. Other sports I enjoy are squash and tennis whenever I can find
time. I'm also very keen on an eclectic range of music, namely;
classical, hiphop, heavy and alternate - and it's a driving force in my
life.
I'm well travelled (have a passion for) - and waiting patiently for some
summer holidaying around Monaco and potentially Turkey/Greece. Other
spots I'd like to check out this year are Dubrovnik and eastern Europe,
as yet unvisited.
Workwise; I do an IT role for a Hedge Fund in St James/Mayfair, am
apparenlty intelligent (IQ's 135 - if that means anything ;) and
believe it or not, really enjoy my job - *and* have recognised that it's
really important in life, to like what you do. I am focused on
establishing a career, but not at the sake of family or further
long-term travel.
I also enjoy the same things as other people; being social with friends,
trying new restaurants / getting boozed on the weekends, having quiet
nights in with movies on home cinema, enjoying *good* reds (particularly
Aussie Shiraz at the moment) and generally veg'ing around the house on
Sundays.
It's kind of hard to describe my appearance as it's all a little
subjective (I think I'm alright?!), but the things I'm certain of are
that I'm 5'9", have closely shaven brown hair, marginally athletic build
and hazel eyes. I think it'd be far easier to swap a couple of photos as
they'd 'speak a thousand words' etc. One thing I'd like to avoid is
playing email ping-pong - so just pick up the phone and give me a
buzz...
What am I looking for?! Well, to be perfectly honest - someone *similar*
(ideally mid 20's). Antipodean would be nice, but it wouldn't be the end
of the world if you aren't. Someone to *share* REAL moments with, the
kind where the hair stands on the back of your neck, and you get a real
thrill to be alive, someone to travel to warm places with and listen
to soft music in the dark with... a new best friend in short. I guess
the only way we'll find out, is if you throw an email at me, it all has
to start from somewhere...
Thanks for your time..
John
Please note that when he describes himself as "apparenlty intelligent", he spells apparently wrong.
Anyway, on with me becoming best buddies with Beelzebub and I don't think you will need an IQ of 135 to work out what's coming, yes, Stef and I created a fake woman and set him up on a date... We laundered our email through Karin, a mate of mine in NZ, who put her womanly touches into our email (and constantly told us how guilty she feels, tried to convince us that we might emotionally cripple John for life and other rubbish like that) and suggesting we cut out lines such as "Hmm, I don't know about eating ice-cream in bed, we would need to do something afterwards to wear it off >;-)" - which might have given the game away (personally, I thought that was a GREAT line!!!).
Here's our reply:
Hi,
I just came across your message on the gumtree, and I have to say, I'm
impressed, you sound refreshingly different to the others I've read on
gumtree.
Being a Kiwi girl in London also I think we have a lot in common. I am 27,
blonde, 5'6" and currently seconded to Telecom NZ here and plan to be here
for a little while yet, but one day the beaches of home will beckon!
I love red wine, just relaxing at home with a DVD when I'm not out and about
and really enjoy snowboarding and quite a few other sports, even the
occasional game of touch (you need any subs?!! :-) ). I am also looking
forward to further travel into Europe and hope to further explore this
summer myself, Turkey sounds great!
I too have a high IQ, 132, so I guess you're man enough for me. I would
really like to meet someone who is able to hold an intelligent conversation
and is as committed to their career as I am.
If you think you can keep up with me and my love for the outdoors (I'm also
into diving, have you ever tried it? It's amazing) then send me an email
(any pics of you?)! I've attached a pic of me from the other weekend before
going clubbing at Fabric, I like going raving once in a while!
xoxo NZ Girl
Notice how we made her slightly shorter and less intelligent than Crazy to be submissive to his manliness. Here's a pic of the chick we are pretending to be and attached to the above email (I found that pic on the web, I have NO idea who it is), alongside a pic of what Crazy ended up with:
The pic I found is on the left, it's actually me on the right...
ANYWAY, here's Crazy's reply. He replies by inserting "answers" like he's working on an exam or something (I've bolded his replies):
Hey Karin! (pronounced Kaa-ren I assume?!)
I just came across your message on the gumtree, and I have to say, I'm
impressed, you sound refreshingly different to the others I've read on
gumtree.
Thanks! I try... ;) (Although; someone else has recently made the
same comment; I think honesty is the best policy - but can imagine some
would find it hard 'opening up' etc)...
Being a Kiwi girl in London also I think we have a lot in common. I am
27,
blonde, 5'6" and currently seconded to Telecom NZ here and plan to be
here
for a little while yet, but one day the beaches of home will beckon!
Amen. And *really* wishing I'd gone to Toast this year; if it wasn't
for a hang-over and another engagement; I would have. Next year... :(
Have only recently really started missing family; (seen them two
weeks in 4yrs) - so have just booked flights home with a mate for the
last week of Jan, and all of February. Funny you should mention the
diving; we'll be doing some diving off Sipadan Island (near Kota
Kinablus, Malaysia) for the first week - a friend says the turtles rock!
:) Have also just sorted out my summer holiday(s) to Sharm El Sheikh for
a Red Sea diving holiday... managed to get into the best hotel (or one
of) over there; The Hyatt Regency, can't wait - we leave on the 30th.
Luxury (normally I backpack and hostel, so this'll be a good laugh).
I love red wine, just relaxing at home with a DVD when I'm not out and
about
and really enjoy snowboarding and quite a few other sports, even the
occasional game of touch (you need any subs?!! :-) ).
Go the red wine (I do need to be more patriotic, always drinking
Aussies! boo I know! :) DVDs; yes, yes - just watched 'Suspect Zero'
with Ben Kinglsey yesterday in bed as I could hardly speak and was
relgated to eating chocolate, cherries and homous (read: couldn't find
the Ben and Jerry's ;) Excellent film.
Go the snowboarding; I've only just recently changed my wallpaper on my
machines at work from our exploits, we take an annual trip to La Tanya
and a smaller trip, they rock! Wouldn't trade them for all the tea in
China!
Touch - mmmhmm... at the very least I'm about to submit our team forward
for 'season two'... One of the birds has to pull out, so - depends on
how keen you are?!
I am also looking forward to further travel into Europe and hope to
further explore this
summer myself, Turkey sounds great!
Turkey unfortunately became Egypt, so it'll have to keep! I *really*
want to do a quick and nasty long weekend down to The Algarve (Portugal)
this year, has been on my list for ages... Oooh ooh, and Dubrovnik,
Croatia! Oooh ooh, and... you get the picture! How long have you been
here?!
I too have a high IQ, 132, so I guess you're man enough for me. I would
really like to meet someone who is able to hold an intelligent
conversation
and is as committed to their career as I am.
Check.
If you think you can keep up with me and my love for the outdoors (I'm
also
into diving, have you ever tried it? It's amazing) then send me an email
(any pics of you?)! I've attached a pic of me from the other weekend
before
going clubbing at Fabric, I like going raving once in a while!
Diving; only have my PADI Open Water; but will do the Advanced Open
Water first week of July. Was going to do Adventure Diver etc as well,
but may just 'free dive' with friends...
Are you an accomplished diver?
Yup, I'll send some pics later on this evening (don't have any on the
PC here at work)... Always hard 'not seeing who you're talking to
etc'...
Nice pic BTW, you obviously keep yourself in great shape. Done the
clubbing scene two years ago (loved Fahrenhite!), but love getting back
every once 'n a while myself.
There's been talk of a session at The 'Cook soon... ;)
xoxo NZ Girl
Anyways - must do some work...
Cheers!
J (0779 510 1869).
And our reply (I'm sure you're starting to skim read now....):
Hi John,
It was great to get your reply! You sound really interesting and it
seems we
have a lot in common!
You got the pronunciation right of my name too! Not many people do so
brownie points for that.
I heard Toast was great, called a friend yesterday who went and she was
really suffering. I have just gotten back from our Sales Conference in
Washington earlier in the month so was looking forward to a weekend of
just
chilling and trying to recover from a massive NZ wine induced hangover!
I
miss home a lot sometimes, even though I work for a NZ company here.
Hopefully I'll get a work trip back there before too long. I've been
here a
couple of years now and I agree it's really hard to be away from family.
La Tanya? Where's that? I have been snowboarding a few times with
friends to
a place called Val Thorens. I think we are planning something again next
year. I can't wait as last season there was sooo much snow. I'm looking
forward to a holiday in the sun though - I was hoping to get to Thailand
with a friend too this year. But work commitments got in the way for
when we
planned to go. Your trip sounds great! In resonse to your diving
question,
I'm a fairly good diver, I have my advanced PADI certification but only
make
it out once a year. I miss being back in NZ for that.
Touch, hmm, yeah, I could be keen! Been wanting to have a run about
after
work... Have to make the most of the warmer weather! I try to keep in
shape
but it's hard over the winter months here, getting to the gym is about
all I
manage. It's great to be able to get out and about now again. I think
I'll
have to meet you first though! I'll be looking forward to your pics
tonight!
You'll have to forgive me if I don't give you my Mobile number yet, I've
had
a few dodgy characters in the past of the gum tree and I don't want to
take
the risk again. You seem really lovely though so I look forward to
hearing
your reply.
Karin
Notice how we play dumb on the "La Tanya" part (which is actually spelt "La Tania") and say that we were in Val Thorens, which is in the same ski resort we went snowboarding at this year. Oh, and obviously we had to can the idea of talking to Crazy on the phone.
By the way, Karin is pronounced "Kaa-rin", not "Kaa-ren", not that we're gonna correct a man with 135 IQ...
Here's The email and pics that Crazy sent back to us, yes, all SIX pics (again with the essay answer style of reply):
Hi John,
Errr, hello again...
It was great to get your reply! You sound like a cool person and it
seems we have a lot in common!
Yup, it certainly does. Go the Kiwis! ;)
You got the pronunciation right of my name too! Not many people do so
brownie points for that. It was.
Hooray 'brownie points', soon there'll be gold stars and chocolate fish!
And then I'm well on my way! :)
I heard Toast was great, called a friend yesterday who went and she was
really suffering. I have just gotten back from our Sales Conference in
Washington earlier in the month so was looking forward to a weekend of
just chilling and trying to recover from a massive NZ wine induced
hangover! I miss home a lot sometimes, even though I work for a NZ
company here. Hopefully I'll get a work trip back there before too long.
I've been here a couple of years now and I agree it's really hard to be
away from family.
Nice one; work trips - 'sweeeet as'... they're the best; free - and they
always 'have' to show you a good time etc! Yup, blood is thicker than
warm ales...
La Tanya? Where's that? I have been snowboarding a few times with
friends to a place called Val Thorens. I think we are planning something
again next year. I can't wait as last season there was sooo much snow.
Val Thorens - well done. Kudos to the person organising that one; La
Tanya is just down the road, nestled in between Courcheval and Meribel.
We spent a day at Val Thorens last trip (but it does take a long time to
traverse over etc. La Tanya, is slightly cheaper and more family
oriented, but really really 'cosy', and it wouldn't surprise me if we're
back there next year (can almost guarentee it). You ski or board?!
I'm looking forward to a holiday in the sun though - I was hoping to get
to Thailand with a friend too, this year. But work commitments got in
the way for when we planned to go. Your trip sounds great! In resonse to
your diving question, I'm a fairly good diver, I have my advanced PADI
certification but only make it out once a year. I miss being back in NZ
for that.
Advanced - awesome; you're practically a FISH! And I 'spose if you did /
do make it to Thailand it'd be rude not to have a quick look around
under-water ;) Thailand is also a good 'meet in the middle' for freinds
in the southern hemisphere... next year...?!
Touch, hmm, yeah, I could be keen! Been wanting to have a run about
after work... Have to make the most of the warmer weather! I try to keep
in shape but it's hard over the winter months here, getting to the gym
is about all I manage. It's great to be able to get out and about now
again. I think I'll have to meet you first though! I'll be looking
forward to your pics tonight!
I've never really been competitive, but this is one game where I really
enjoy the 'comradery' and the good-will between all on the field esp, as
they're all antipodean! A quicky 'down the pub' afterwards is always a
nice way to break up the working week as well...
You'll have to forgive me if I don't give you my Mobile number yet, I've
had a few dodgy characters in the past of the gum tree and I don't want
to take the risk again. You seem really lovely though so I look forward
to hearing your reply.
Yup, can completely understand... No worries. More a reflex putting mine
on there...
Karin
And, as promised. Some line-up photos of me from The Metropolitan Police
serial stalking unit... Well, not quite... ;)
Cheers big ears...
J
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I personally love the first photo because it was taken at the Leeds festival... but that's another story for black mail :-)
Poor Karin was feeling quite guilty at this stage, but with a little convincing by Stef and I she soldiered on like a champ ;-)
Hey, I liked the photos, looks like you work out a bit
yourself ;-)
Glad to see that you don't look like a complete stalker.... Kiwi guys
are so refreshing here, pommy men just don't do it for me!
Hey, I'll keep this short and sweet as I'm quite busy this week, but I'm
free on Friday if you'd like to meet up for a drink? I live in the South
West and I know of a bar in Parson's Green called the White Horse
(http://whitehorsesw6.com/),
would that be convenient for you? I think
it'd be easier to have a chat in person... and you can find out whether
I'm psycho or not that way!
Please reply to my hotmail account as I am not sure how much of a chance
I'll get to check my emails the rest of this week, out with customers
quite a lot and I hate carting my laptop around the tube! Also best not
to continue this at work in case one of the guys see!
*********@hotmail.com
xoxo Karin.
Yeah, we TOTALLY boosted his ego in that email to draw any sent off Stef and I. We also set up the location in the South West, close to Putney where Crazy lives, hey, we didn't wanna send him across London just to stomp his heart into little pieces, we are his mates after all!!!!
The whole time these email were flying back and forward Crazy was having Instant Messenger conversations with Stef and I, my favourite IM from Crazy was "boomshanka... another date". He had no idea.
Hey, I liked the photos,
looks like you work out a bit yourself ;-)
Errr, must have accidentally sent you photos of Mr T... or must be the
lighting / angles or something ;)
Glad to see that you don't look like a complete stalker.... Kiwi guys
are so refreshing here, pommy men just don't do it for me!
With T minus 6mths until I can apply for my British Passport; I'd
better
get working on that gut, Souf East London innit and buy some chavvy
burberry 'lright...
Hey, I'll keep this short and sweet as I'm quite busy this week, but I'm
free on Friday if you'd like to meet up for a drink? I live in the South
West and I know of a bar in Parson's Green called the White Horse
(http://whitehorsesw6.com/),
would that be convenient for you? I think
it'd be easier to have a chat in person... and you can find out whether
I'm psycho or not that way!
Busy is something I can appreciate. I too live down that way, now
I'll
be paranoid and looking at everyone on the tube on the way home! ;)
The Sloany Pony; a good choice - haven't been there for a while... do
you know Aragon House as well? (Just over the green?!) - And yes; sounds
like a plan. I assume we can confirm later this week, that way you can
get on with your Wed / Thursday etc!?
Please reply to my hotmail account as I am not sure how much of a chance
I'll get to check my emails the rest of this week, out with customers
quite a lot and I hate carting my laptop around the tube! Also best not
to continue this at work in case one of the guys see!
Yup, IT is the all knowing all seeing - you can guarentee they'll be
up
on the play...
********@hotmail.com
Noted. Wish us luck at Touch tonight; we desperately need to take a win!
xoxo Karin.
J
Damn, Crazy is one smoooooth operator, I'm impressed... even with spelling "guarentee" wrong (would it KILL you to use a SPELL CHECK before sending email off, Crazy?!).
Right, so the stage was set! Karin sent back a confirmation email saying she would be really busy for the rest of the week, but 8pm at the White Horse was a go.
Here's The video of how it all went down. Enjoy ;-)
If you couldn't quite make out the picture I gave Crazy, here it is:
I photoshopped Stef and I into it and we both signed it, as a little reminder of what great mates he has.
Richard joined us for the event and here are a few snaps we took after operation "Crazydatelessness":
As it turns out, a hook up WAS made that night, no, not with Crazy but with RICHARD! Here's a snap of the SECOND chick he pulled:
Hmm, might have to help him set up a date...
By Tony Baker: email