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27/06/07

JP sent in the following email (I changed the spelling of all the swear words):

OK guys, so I go buy a new laptop today.

Windows Vista is kind of a pain in the a$$, but it's not that bad.  Maybe the type of "not bad" when you're getting raaped in prison but figure you can put up with it during your short sentence.  Then I try to load Unreal Tournament 2003 onto the laptop to check out the graphics.  TWO THOUSAND THREE.  Runs like constipated shiit.  Runs god awful slow.  I try to download the latest nVidia drivers.  Wait a minute - my drivers are from 2007 - you'd think it'd be able to play a fu<king game from 2003, right?

As it turns out, I was unaware that now nVidia and ATI are also both making ultra shiitty integrated graphics cards with no on-board memory for laptops that are sold to the retail public, just like the good old Intel Integrated Graphics Adapter, which can't do a fu<king thing except maybe show pictures to Grandma and help your 11-year old daughter get m0lested on MySpace.  I just paid $800 for a laptop that can't outperform my laptop from 2003.  Are you fu<king kidding me?!

So I'm not sure who's to blame - I'd just like to break out the shotguns and go to town.  First off, it's fu<king ridiculous that Windows Vista uses 500 Mb of memory - what the fu<k is it doing?  Aside from the cute little bubbles bumping around on my screensaver, it doesn't seem like a whole hell of a fu<king lot.  And I knew that PC makers were scaling back because of PCs getting too powerful, but come on, this is a 2007 laptop that can't play games from 2003!  So maybe I was misled by my faith in nVidia graphics boards, and now I've learned that every fu<king laptop I saw in the store (and with ATI cards) has a graphics card that's better used as a fu<king frisbee.  I'll have to buy a gaming laptop.

Oops, and I can't do my work from home on Windows Vista Home Premium Waankoff Edition.  I have to get Windows Vista Business to have the privilege of Remote Connection now.  But wait, then I lose Windows Media Center and some other things?  Unless I buy the most expensive one, Windows Vista Ultimate.  GO FU<K YOURSELVES.  How about you give me the Go Fu<k Yourself You Price Point Discrimating Fu<king Bastaards Version.  Microsoft was kind enough to include a DVD with all the versions of Windows Vista on it, so long as I'm willing to pay to unlock them.  "Windows Anytime Upgrade" DVD.  For fu<k's sake... just in case we didn't get enough money from you.

I've been reading nothing but posts online about people removing Vista from their new PCs and putting XP back on.  Just to free up 300 Mb of fu<king memory.  And have shiit install correctly.

Windows Vista tells me that my computer "may struggle" to show HD video.  FU<K YOU.  My hardware's "Windows Vista Satisfaction Rating" is 3.0 out of 6.  Up from 2.7 after my driver update.  I can't believe that took 10 minutes to calculate.  Oooh... my 2 gigs of RAM got a 5!  I don't want to "Personalize" my desktop, you fu<ker, I want to kill shiit and watch my illegal movies in HD without my screen flickering to ask my permission every fu<king time I want to install something.  This laptop might as well be wrapped in a giant condom for how dipshiit-proof it is.  "Are you sure you want to run this installation?  It's not verified by Microsoft..."  YES YOU DUMB MOTHERFU<KER.

So I'm putting my Denis Leary hat on tomorrow and taking this fu<king thing back to the store.  What a useless piece of shiit.  My laptop from 2003 with an old Geforce 440 graphics card and a half-broken CD burner and a completely unchargeable dead battery is better than this piece of fu<king garbage.  It's all I can do to not chuck it off my fu<king balcony.

OK my rant is over. :)

15/06/07

Mum sent in the latest email from Rosie (our family's Dog) to Poddy (my Auntie Fay's Dog). Last email was 10/05/07 in Your Say:

Dear Poddy,

My world nearly came crashing down around my ears today.

Today started out like any ordinary day, then Mum, Emma and Tyla took me for a ride in the car to town. Usually this is quite an enjoyable experience, sitting on Tyla's knee, a few quick licks on her face just to keep her awake and get a good reaction from Mum, people to stare at, other dogs to bark at, and a jolly good sleep in the sun.

Today they parked close to a door below a sign that said "Pet shop". Off they went, happy as Larry, inside the shop. I watched them, it was pathetic. Bending down to slobber over kittens and puppy's saying silly things like "oh aren't they cute. I want that one. Oh look, it wants me. Oh my god, how gorgeous is that one. Oh look, it's licking my fingers. I wish I had tons of money, I'd buy the lot". This never worries me, I have found in the past it's just a lot of hot air. It never means anything. So I just snoozed in the sun. BIG MISTAKE! I committed a cardinal sin - I took my eyes off the 8 ball so to speak.

Next thing I hear is Emma saying "Kyle's going to spew" and mum saying "Don't worry love, Dad's been spewing for 35 years. I just arrive home with them. I've got him convinced that once you buy an animal, you can never take it back, it's against consumer rights." Then I heard Tyla say "That one's mine. Kitty kitty". I froze, heart pounding, then I opened one eye and there they were, walking to the car carrying a cat basket with TWO kittens in it. I actually started to dry retch.

In the car they hopped, all giggling and laughing and high on excitement. "Say hello to your new kittens Rosie" Mum said, laughing her head off. I took off, flew over Tyla, legs scrabbling, over the front seat and Emma to crawl under her legs. (Always the safest place when in danger). There I stayed, all the way home listening to them "I wish we could have taken the 3rd one, aren't their little collars with the bells on them just the cutest, they are so cuddly & cute. I just looooove them" and other hideous things. Now, don't get me wrong Poddy - I live in a household ruled by cats and I know the rules - keep your head down, keep a wide berth, sit on dad's knees the moment they are free and never, ever try to steal their food - (a claw in the head can be a painful experience) and then, when everyone is asleep - it's pay back time.

All the way back home I admit, I shook like a leaf ,enough cats in my household to sink a ship. I mean to say, when I was born there was dogs 8 cats, thousands of horses, sheep, fish and birds, a bloody zoo in fact. But no, mum always says there's always room for one more. And now Emma has her own house and it's the same there - and Tyla is another one on the way. Well, on the way home I came up with 27 different ways I could commit suicide and then, we arrived back at Emma's and then - oh my god, it still seems like a dream - they took the kittens inside Emma's house. Hours later Mum came out alone, and drove her and I back home.

"Fooled you" was all she said to me.

Well Podman, I had a lucky escape. I'm still spewing at the trick they played on me, but I'm off to lie down - I feel quite queezy for some reason.

Luv from Rosie.

Here are the pics attached to the email (my Niece Tyla and one of the new kittens by the looks of it):

13/06/07

Cuzzy Tania sent in the real reason Prince Harry couldn't go to Iraq:

12/06/07

Cuzzy Tania sent me the following article about our Grandma and Granddad:

Stratford Press

Noel and Imelda Bennett

60 years together
30.05.2007

Noel and Imelda Bennett of Inglewood celebrated their diamond wedding anniversary on June 22.
The pair were married at the Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Inglewood and have four children, 12 grandchildren and six great-grandchildren.

The couple shared a dinner with their immediate family in recognition of the 60 years they have spent together. Pictured are Noel and Imelda surrounded by cards from well-wishers, including words from the Queen and the Pope.

I find it amusing when it says that they are pictured being "surrounded by card from well-wishers, including words from the Queen and the Pope". I have no doubt that they got all that, but in the pic above I know that those are pics of the family they have in their living room, not cards :-)

07/06/07

Sam sent this around, the difference between males and females when they age...