29/12/09

Well, I had a sweet response to my Facebook post. Here it is:

Tony Baker I've never been so excited to go for a dump, not only does the toilet in our Japanese style hotel room have controls, they're in some weird language! Facebook friends, I ask you, obviously I'm gonna press all the buttons to see what they do, but which colours do I go for first?! I'm holding off till I get a response...

Tania L'Ami Go the big red one!!!!!! And good luck :0)
Yesterday at 19:37

Emma King yellow!
Yesterday at 19:45

Debbie Weinstein Kirk Green!!!
Yesterday at 19:47

Karoline Cheung watch out for the bidet surprise.
Yesterday at 19:49

Andrew Hammond RED. Make sure you tense up first.
Yesterday at 19:49

Glenn Sunkel Push a combination of buttons for the power moves
Yesterday at 20:00

Glenn Sunkel try "up up down down left right left right B A"
Yesterday at 20:01

Sheldon Kirk that will cause Raiden to go though the ground and pop up behind him
12 hours ago

John Sneed Be careful. One of the buttons drops you onto the side of the New Jersey Turnpike.
6 hours ago

I decided to try all the different buttons:

The red one didn't do anything, it was stop. Good to find that one out first.

The second one with the lovely looking fountain was quite an experience indeed. The accuracy at which it hit its target was quite stunning, lets just say that I had the feeling that thousands of years of Japanese engineering had come to a pinnacle, the accuracy best described as hitting a 5p coin on the moon, with a laser fired from Earth.

It was pretty obvious that the pink button with a lady on it probably wasn't designed for me. Fearlessly, I pressed it and waited for what was to happen. Needless to say, my man-berries have never been so squeaky clean.

It was at this point that I decided to try the two smaller buttons below the green and pink one. I found that that varied the pressure, from near enema to refreshing tinkle.

The other button of consequence was the gold one with waves on it. That seemed to be designed to give one a blow job. Unfortunately, it was about as effective at drying ones bits as a bird tweeting at you from a hundred paces while standing in a tropical monsoon. Quite how the Japanese can go from giving the impression of engineering gods with the butt squirt (honestly, I was looking for a camera it was so accurate) to something as effective as a worm farting was beyond me.

The last two buttons did nothing at all that I could tell.

Trying out Glenn's combination, however, resulted in a TV screen popping out the side and a Japanese magna-film playing, what appeared to be, instructions on how to defeat a Godzilla boss in some video-game.

The real reason I won't be buying one of these though, was discovered after lifting the seat and looking at the cleaning instruction on the far right.

Thanks for all your facebook comments!

29/10/09

Although posting stuff like this makes me look like a druggie, I actually love pointing out facts like this to demonstrate how manipulated public perception is (my other favourites are disproving that wind power is good and Geckos have suckers on their feet):

22/09/09

OK, so this is incredibly geeky, but screw it, I'm an incredible geek!

Elite turns 25 years old today!

After watching the BBC video of the game play, it brought back a lot of nostalgia of the many hours I spent playing it:

09/09/09

Ohh!! Look at the date! I suppose it signified Armageddon or something...?!

I tell you what, I imagine Shan comes about as close to armageddon as anyone with wee Austin, immortalised in Ian's new T-Shirt. Here's the front:

and here's the back:

27/07/09

A bunch of us went to Greenwich on Sat to watch the rugby. Beforehand Bridget, Bec's and I went for a wander up to the Observatory where I took this cool snap of em:

08/07/09

Right, what's the best name we can give to our new company? Oh, I know...

Took that pic yesterday.

10/06/09

OK, fine, this picture of me with Austin (Shan and Ian's new bub) has been doing the rounds thanks to Shan:

Yeah, yeah, makes me look soft. What was REALLY going on, however, was me lulling Austin in to a false sense of security that the world is a lovely place, full of smiles and free milk. Just as he was relaxing, I'd snap him back to the cold hard realities of the world:

That'll learn him.

Here's a few more snaps of bunch last Sat.

One of Dennis, looking far softer than myself:

Matt and Anne's turn with Austin:

Ian and Shan extra happy that they got to offload Austin for 5 mins:

Dennis: "Look at my sexy Belly!"

Crazy being, well, normal:

The crew also got Shan a birthday "cake" seeing as it was so close to her birthday:

Grope photo:

(Going round the table: Lindsey, Dennis, Becs, James, Cynthia, Shan, Ian, Bridget, Matt, Richard, Chris, Marta, Crazy, Terry and myself. Guess Anne was away from the table!)

07/05/09

I'll admit it, I REALLY wanna go see the new Star Trek movie, which comes out today in the UK, but I can't go watch it tonight because I have to hang out with mates drinking, laughing and having fun. BOO!

To tie me over, I came across this video review of Star Trek, from the Onion. Fantastic.

19/03/09

BRIDGET AND I ARE ENGAGED!!!

FINALLY I've popped the question to Bridget, in fantastic Abel Tasman on the 11th of March! Check out my Abel Tasman and Engagement page for the lowdown...

 03/02/09

Honestly, snow seems to bring out only the thickest morons on charge in London. There was total chaos yesterday with all Buses cancelled, leaving people on night-shifts totally stuffed for getting home, let alone people trying to get in.

Why were all the buses cancelled? Not because the streets were covered in snow, nooooo, the major bus routes were cleared by TFL (Transport For London). The buses were cancelled because they didn't clear the side roads from the bus depots. Seriously, I'm not making this shiit up:

Of course, the mere thought handing all the bus drivers standing around doing nothing, a shovel to clear the road would be a grave sin, that's well outside the poor dears job spec. Much better for the loves to have SNOWBALL FIGHTS in front of the newspaper cameras to improve public relations. Oh, and the fact that all the buses were parked up and down Putney High street, making it a right pain in the ass for the road gritters/graders to do their job didn't make me think for one second "Hmm, how the hell did all the buses get on to the friggen main street to park up and do nothing in the FIRST BL00DY PLACE?!", oh no.

Either way, I don't care, I just worked from home, I just like moaning and pointing out fu<ktards. Speaking of fu<ktards, this morning at the train station while waiting for the delayed train on a packed platform #2, there was an announcement "This is a platform alteration, the next train to London Waterloo will now be departing from platform #1". There was the usual "tut-tut" noises from everyone, as well as the faint noise of  "what the FU<K! Your MORONS!" coming from me, while the hundreds of commuters climbed up the stairs to get across to the other platform. Just as basically everyone had done so, apart from Bridget and myself because we went all the way down the platform initially, there was another announcement "The next train to Waterloo will be on platfrom #1 in 4 mins, the train after that will be leaving from platform #2 in 6 mins". Again, the "tut-tuts" and faint sound of "FRIGGEN BL00DY MORONS" filled the air again as we decided to stay on platform #2 with everyone else left on it.

What platform did the next train finally turn up to? That's right, platform #2. This time I was too busy laughing for the sound of "FU<KTARDS!!!" to fill the air and the tut-tuts were coming too thick and fast over on platform #1 for me to have been heard at any rate.

Ya just can't make this shiit up.

02/02/09

Hoo Wee! Woke up this morning to the biggest snowfall London has seen in 18 years! Here's Bridget outside our front door:

View from our lounge:

From the top floor of our building:

It's also been the coldest winter in London for over a decade. Of course, all busses in London have been suspended, the trains and roads are totally stuffed as well. Bad enough when you get a couple of leaves on the line in fall, let alone a few inches of snow! Bridge and I are working from home today :-)

01/02/09

I set another time-lapse video going out my kitchen window and was lucky enough to catch a snow flurry passing across London! It's quite a dramatic change in weather, from this:

to this:

and back again, in a 30 second video.

Download or watch on youtube.

03/01/09

Nice way to start the new year, finding out that my Supergoove video is on Supergroove's MySpace page!

I'd also like to point out that currently it's the very first video on their site ;-)

Cheers for posting it on there, guys!

31/12/08

Happy New Year Everyone!

Thanks to all those who have visited my site this year! Clocking up around 100 unique visitors per day.