Damn, I just coughed with a mouthful of tea, which made a little bit of tea dribble out of my mouth, which I thought was funny, which made me laugh, which made purse my lips to try and keep the rest in, which made me spray tea all over my monitors and keyboard right in front of my workmate!
That made me piss myself laughing, opening my mouth and the rest of the tea went all over my front, pants and down my arm as I brought my hand up in a last vain attempt to stop tea spraying across the room (which instead had the effect of splashing tea out each side of my hand).
There is fu<ken tea everywhere and I'm all wet!
My other workmate just took great delight in asking me if I wanted another tea.
I just got the following email from my Mum about the Ian and Shan's Guy Fawkes Party page and video:
So, I’ll just remind you,( and all your mates, whose own mothers can tell a similar story) that I spent 9 very long months, having to give up booze and smoking, gaining stretch marks that all the so called “smoothing away creams” did jack shiit for, spent 48 excruciating & mind-blowing hours in indescribable pain that to this day I have not recovered from, and then spent the next 21 years being a slave to you, feeding, clothing, baking millions of biscuits and cakes and nourishing and wholesome meals in vast quantities, which was very difficult because I was usually on some “new” diet, driving you to every tom, dick and Harry's house or into town, usually when I just felt like lying down and passing out with exhaustion, guarding you from every murderer, child molester and crazy fool in the country, doing ferocious battle with mindless morons of teachers who usually only had bad things to say (usually about you doing some science experiment on some other mother’s child) and when they did have some marvellous wonderful thing to say about you, your father took credit, saying “he must have got it from me”, and spending countless nights, wiping your brow and giving you cool drinks when you were sick, (your father just slept right through the night), just so you could grow up into the healthy, well adjusted young man that you are.
(did I mention the countless, mind-numbing and downright BORING hours I spent sitting in an audience listening to the never ending school concerts, speeches etc, while nearly passing out with the heat and overpowering smell of little boys and girls farts.) (just kidding, you were absolutely fantastic).
So I remind you son, if you (and your mates) want to chuck all that hard work away – GO FOR IT.
Blow a hole in your heads, disfigure yourselves in some horrific manner and blind yourselves, not to mention all the other poor innocent people and bystanders, it doesn’t worry me!! I have let go.
Love you heaps
All my love, Mum
I felt just a tiny bit guilty about what we had done (or the appearance of what we had done) so I'll tell you how I managed to get all the footage that I did without risking blindness and/or disfigurement.
Basically I and the rest of us stood behind a glass door on the balcony and I held the camera around the side of the door. See this pic:
As I told my Mum, "Doesn't make it right or not stupid, but I haven't spent the last few years of my life in blissful ignorance of just how easy you can get maimed or killed from doing the simplest of things".
Let this be a lesson to you all, your Mums care about you and don't want you to blow yourselves up or appear to do so.
RIP Bart (17 years old):
The photos above were taken just a few days before my cat Bart died last night in his sleep in the shed. The other cats prior to his death were licking him so much he was basically soaked!
Mum knew his time was coming pretty quickly (and called me a couple of nights ago) when he stopped going over to the castle with her to help open up (he didn't have enough energy). Apart from keeping the other cats and dogs in line, Bart generally hangs out, welcoming the visitors and having a chat with them over a cup of tea (since he got too old to hunt birds). Seriously, if you don't believe me, check out this video from last year!
I think I can still remember picking Bart out from the litter that one of our other cats, Lady, had and he's been my cat and part of the family for well over half my life to date. His final resting place is under the flag pole at the house near the Castle. He will be missed a great deal.
If you're freaking out about global warming and are shooting those methane producing cows, blowing up C02 spewing factories and taking half as many breaths as normal, then take a deep breath, let out a fart and read this report (and skim read his references and detailed calculations). Shows what an intentional fu<kup the UN made when working out global warming. Did you know around 1200 AD it was warmer than it is now but the UN specifically manipulated calculations?! Lets hope his research is right about:
• They gave one technique for reconstructing pre-thermometer temperature 390 times more weight than any other (but didn't say so).
• The technique they overweighted was one which the UN's 1996 report had said was unsafe: measurement of tree-rings from bristlecone pines. Tree-rings are wider in warmer years, but pine-rings are also wider when there's more carbon dioxide in the air: it's plant food. This carbon dioxide fertilisation distorts the calculations.
• They said they had included 24 data sets going back to 1400. Without saying so, they left out the set showing the medieval warm period, tucking it into a folder marked "Censored Data".
• They used a computer model to draw the graph from the data, but scientists later found that the model almost always drew hockey-sticks even if they fed in random, electronic "red noise".
Now, I'm all about reducing "greenhouse gas" emissions, but more because of heath reasons these days.
DAMN! What a freaken full on weekend! Crazy's birthday on Fri, Ian and Shan's Fireworks party Sat and watching the All Blacks SMASH England at Twickenham on Sun!
I've taken so many photos (and bloody funny vids), that it's gonna take me a bit to sort it all out and put it all together (will be a page on each methinks), stay tuned...