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29/09/05

Woo Hoo!!! The sun is out, the birds are singing, the world is a greeeeeeeat place Jimmie! Yep, I'm finally over my hangover from the past few weeks of partying and binge drinking. Last night I went home, sat in front of the telly, ate subway and chilled with the flatties. We watched Hitch, worth watching, nothing ground breaking here though.

On my commute to work, I picked up the Metro as usual. I hardly ever laugh out loud when reading the Metro, but today, I did it TWICE. The first time was when I read this:

Someone was cleaver enough to come up with the idea of making a pizza box hold a laptop. Unfortunately someone was dumb enough to write an article about it and tell every mugger in the city! I can't wait to read all the articles about people getting mugged over their pizza and if you've gone to all the effort of actually buying one of these pizza cases and thinking how smart you are, then you've pretty much pointed out that it's carrying a laptop if you carry it horizontal. Dumbasses, I love em all.

The second thing was this article:

This old dude who looks about 200 years old yelled out "nonsense" to an MP during a speech. Cops (TWO of them were needed by the looks of things) grabbed him, manhandled him out of the room and arrested him under "anti-terror" laws. I mean shiiiit, this old dude does look like a cross between Yoda and Mr Miyagi, NOT. If I was a cop I SURELY would've tazered him as well, he's wearing a COAT for Christ's sake, probably strapped with explosives and he's gotta be packing heat.

Update (03/01/05): I received the following email from a reader:

Hi Tony.  Nice website, I read it occasionally for laughs and to see what's happening in another kiwi's OE (saves me the trouble of doing one - I just say to family and friends back home "log on to this website, and imagine me doing that sort of stuff, just with different friends".  Sorted!).
 
Just had to point out a factual error in one your latest diary posting though, where you're talking about that Metro article which describes that old guy getting thrown out of the Labour conference for shouting "nonsense" at Jack Straw.  It wasn't in fact the police who manhandled him and threw him out - as it says in the article itself "Walter Wolfgang, 82, was forcibly ejected.....by stewards and briefly held under anti-terror laws". 
 
It later emerged that the steward who threw him out was an ex nightclub-bouncer, car-clamper and debt-collector, hired for the conference by the Labour Party to act as security.  He's not, nor has he ever been, a police officer.  The photo in the article shows Mr Wolfgang in the company of two policemen, neither of whom are touching him.
 
Yes, the police do a tricky job - these days with one hand tied behind their backs with all the acres of legislation and red tape which governs every aspect of working lives.  Any physical contact the police make with the public is strictly governed and has to be fully reported on afterwards - believe me, they're not stupid about it at all. 
 
Otherwise, funny website.  Keep up the good work.
 
Bye
Lily

Well, I guess if I'm gonna post stuff on the web, I better damn well get my facts straight! Cheers for pointing that out, Lily.

26/09/05

Mum sent me a bunch of pics of my niece the other day. She's grown so much, she now looks like a little person rather than a squishy ball.

I do have to say, I've never seen such a happy looking baby, This has got to be my favourite snap:

And it's uncanny how much I looked like this Sunday morning after raving all night at Fabric for Sarah's birthday:

Here's a few more goodies:

A big birthday kiss to Sarah, Tania, Adele and Richard who are all having their birthday within a few days of each other! Sarah's big party was Sat, awesome, crazy night, pics will be up soon...

22/09/05

I received this video a while back. Apparently the video clip is from a Russian news programme.  There was an accident at a coal mine and people were accused of drinking on the job.

The interviewer is trying to see if there is any truth in the rumour, and then one of the other workers turns up unannounced. Don't need sound, unless you can speak Russian... Damn funny and something most of the people reading this site can probably relate to :-)

19/09/05

Wow, what a cool weekend. My flatties and I had a house warming party Sat with a formal theme and it looks like everyone had a sweet time, I know I sure did! Pics will be up in a few days.

I had one hell of a hangover the next day and cleaning the floors was a real b***h. It was an effort to string words together in a sentence with the hangover I had... but I wasn't as bad as this! I've never been more proud of having my Celine Dion poster hung above my bed...

12/09/05

Oh MAN, this SUCKS, I'm totally SCREWED!!!!

Apparently I'm a 45 year old married British bus driver who's lost everything and is now homeless.

THEY SAID I'M BRITISH DAMNIT!!!

At least I'm not in as bad a state as the guy I videoed yesterday. Was having a few beers in O'Neills pub in Putney when there was this almighty crash. Looked around to see this dude lying on the pub floor so drunk he couldn't stand on his own. He got denied service at the bar, surprise, surprise, and left with his mate. Of course, I whipped out my camera and videoed this of him outside... check out what happens when he gets to the other side of the road :-)

09/09/05

I just got this in an email, George Bush visits New Orleans:

08/09/05

Wow, if you wanna see chaos, set off a fire alarm at Waterloo underground station during morning rush hour! Holy craap... not a pleasant experience, mainly because people are far, far to stupid to actually queue out of the way of anyone else and simply don't give a flying f**k about anyone or anything around them. People suck.

Hmm, Al-Qaeda could take note of this. Instead of spending years planning tube bombings to mess up London, only to cock them up with expired explosives they could get a few of the boys to simply yank the fire alarms at 8:30am every morning at the major tube stations! How freaken simple would that be? You want flames to freak people out and trample each other, skip the time wasted in importing expensive explosives and just chuck a couple of bottles of vodka and a lighter together on the ground. I'd like to see London Underground stopping people taking any booze/fluid in general with them.

Damn wannabes. Keep it simple, stupid.

06/09/05

Greaaaaaat! Back to commuting to work now, until the office moves to Waterloo and I can get back on my bike. I'd all but blocked the dark memories of when I first arrived in the UK and had to take the tube every day during rush hour.

Today I started off on my new adventures. I turned on the mp3's and passing Subway I thought I'd take advantage of their breakfast deal to cheer me up, which resulted in a mark on my shirt, bugger. Oh well, off to get the train, shiiiiiiit look at that platform!!! There's gotta be a few hundred people lining it. Timed it perfectly for the train to pull up though, ok everybody HEAVE, phew, just managed to squeeze onto the train. Ahh the familiar feeling of a purse stuck into the small of my back and someone's hairy arm 2 inches from my face, the memories are flooding back now. Thank goodness the trains air-con hasn't broken down and is cranking out cool air onto me. It still amuses me just how quiet a totally packed carriage can be. Everyone fixing their eyes on a section of the wall with the guys subtly checking out the talent around them... Sectaries in tight tops and short skirts make the trip slightly more bearable (sorry ladies, but it's true for all guys, except the gays I guess).

Only a short delay along the way and I hit Waterloo, a flood of people off the train and the quick-walk-hup-two towards the gate, squeeze through and flop out into the main station with a swirling mass of people going in all directions. My auto-pilot kicks in, trained over the years of getting through London crowds whereby you stare at your destination and let your peripheral  vision take over to dodge oncoming people. No tourists around this time of the day, just a few annoying smokers blowing craap into the air to get in my way. A couple of side steps and quick twists later and I'm across the concourse...

I know Starbucks is just down the stairs, looking forward to a Vanilla Latte to get my day really going. BUGGER there's a queue and I can't be arsed waiting. Oh well, down into the tube instead. As I nip down the escalator and around onto the platform my personal joke is to laugh at the people standing in front of the Jubilee line doors that don't open (ignoring the red signs telling them that) I call it spot the dumbass but there is no-one doing that today. Everyone down there knows that little gotcha at this time of the morning. Another squeeze onto the tube carriage into the familiar 30 degree heat of warmed up body odour prompts me to ask the idiot by the window if it would be OK if I could lower it (man people are totally blind to what's going on around them, why not let some air into the carriage for all the other cattle?!). I've worked out long ago the the best spot is in the front of the carriage so at least you get a breeze coming through so you can still breath.

2 quick stops and bam, off the tube following the rest of the sheep. Up the left hand side of the escalator; DAMN, someone's paused at the top who can't simply walk off and that's started a pile up of people on the left - grr, through the barrier and what's that I see, a METRO! Sweet, my day just got better. I grab one and head off to catch a train looking at the headline "Vietnam drug 'is the new ecstasy'" Hmm, should make an interesting read. OH SHIIT bugger, I need platforms 1-6 and I'm heading to the other end of the station towards platform 20. Bah, spin around on my way, ohhhh!! Train due NOW, run and..... FFFUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!! Doors close in front of me. 15 mins till the next train GAH! Nice one, Baker. Oh well, at least I have my metro to read. Hmm, ecstasy is apparently going for only 50p a pill in the UK at the moment! Holy craap. This Vietnam drug is called K and is going for 2 a pop. Oh well each to their own. More people die of alcohol I guess. Great another smoker lights up next to me... speaking of drugs.

Finally, here comes the train, almost no-one on it as I'm heading back out of central London. Feet up on the seat even though I know I shouldn't and I can get stuck into the rest of the Metro and crank up my sounds until finally, 1.5 hours later I'm at work, I'm sure I knock 30 mins off... Now, time to surf the web :-)

05/09/05

Sweet, I've finally made the move to Putney! The new flat kicks ass, feel free to come round and have a beer in the "Den"...

I just saw this video... childhood for me was so similar...

03/09/05

YESSSS!!! The All Blacks have the Tri-Nations trophy after solidly beating those bloody Auzzies! Sweeeeeet, I'm just happy those damn Saffas didn't win :-)

On the way to the Camel at London Bridge I stumbled across Ian doing his second job:

Right, now I'm off to pack up all my shiiiiit, moving to Putney tomorrow, YAY!!!!